Hmm.

I decided that I needed a fresh start.
So, if you would like, you can follow my new blog instead.
Here's the link: http://summerleaves.blogspot.com/

I'm going to be more open about who I really am, at the very least.

Hi, again.

A lot has changed and I should get back in the hang of blogging.
I'll talk about it later.

Right now, I very much hate being able to read my own words and feel like I'm experiencing what I felt when I wrote them.

Things are good right now though.

Perhaps not.

I feel like I should have something to say but I don't really.
I feel like I should say that I'm happy, because I am.
But it's the kind of happiness that is just really, really content.
And I have never felt that way before, at least for not more than a few hours.
But this is quite a permanent feeling, and I..
I'm just amazed.
And I was soooo stupid to love my ex. But, I guess I have learned what I do not want.

The only thing is, that this could very well just be puppy love. It's still so early. It could fade so fast and I'd just be left with nothing again. And we all know that it is not a good idea to let me feel lonely. Unless of course, you enjoy the company of suicidal people.

The weirdest thing about that is that I haaate being around people. I want to be alone. I love being alone. But I never, ever want to be alone. So conflicting. That isn't even touching the subject of loneliness, however.

I'm rambling. What is this? Hmm.
I started this post thinking I was going to rant about school. Which, I need to do.
But I don't feel like it at the moment. I'm very content right now, I want to keep this feeling as long as I can and not think about the negativity it brought about in my education. Perhaps tomorrow, or sometime.

Because how should I live otherwise?

Well, this is interesting.
Why does it all seem so familiar?
And why does the familiarity hurt so much when I'm feeling down?
I hope it all turns out okay.

There is nothing more perfect than the truth.

There is nothing I hate more passionately than liars.
The thought of being lied to, especially about certain things, just makes my rage boil. If I even open my mouth, I'll destroy their entire life before I even stop to think about it. I'll make them feel like the worthless pieces of shit they are. If there's one thing I learned in my life, it's how to destroy people.
I have found, however, that should I be able to hold back the boiling rage, it just simmers on the back burner. Out of sight, out of mind. Just waiting for the moment when it's needed. And then, if tampered with, that's when the best kind of destruction sets in.
Setting tiny little bombs that slowly destroy everything they thought, cherished. They aren't even aware that I'm the one causing all their problems anymore. They think they're having a bad day, week, month. Nope. You're just settling in for a long path to your own destruction. The best part is, I play the part of the friend. And friends are always there to talk. And I'm always there to set another little bomb.

It's what they deserve, after all.
There is nothing worse than lying.

P.S. If you're reading this, and you think it's about you: Get over yourself. ;) However, it is something to think about.

I... I don't know...

I'm just waiting for this nightmare to end and it won't.
And people will tell me it's reality.
How could it be?

How do I even.. I don't...

This just hurts so much.