Please don't stop.

Maybe if everything stopped reminding me of you I'd be able to forget...

Thoughts.

"I'm always torn between wanting to tell my story to everyone and letting them know exactly what it is in my head or keeping it to myself. The problem is being outwardly unhappy and consistently so pushes people away, no matter if they say they're always there to listen, there is only so much your best friends can listen to. On the other hand, to pretend that everything is fine is to poison yourself from the inside out; it is to ignore who you are and lose yourself. So which is better? To have friends that think you are melodramatic, seeking attention, and pessimistic, or to drown in your own mind?"

Dear someone,

I would like to start over, please.

- Eve.

Unhappy.

"When you're unhappy, I guess everything in the world - reading, eating, sleeping - has something buried somewhere inside it that just makes you unhappier."

Simple.

I really just want you to come to bed with me.

Fuckfuckfuck.

I think I hate everyone for being closer to you, distance-wise, than I am. I'm so insanely jealous that I could be within an hour or two instead of the billions it seems like I am...

Fuck, can't we just spend some time talking about how sad and miserable I am without you?

Why..

Am I so pathetic that I'm heartbroken when he doesn't talk to me very much?

Absolutely nothing.

I think I think too much. But, I'm thinking that my life is a tragic waste. You know what my most memorable moments are? Stuff that happened in game.. Like shit, is that really all that my life amounts to? And you know, I can't even fucking fix it because once you're dug a hole, your friends make you stay constant. If I tried to change they would say "Eve, you're different." and I would say "Yeah..." and then go back to normal because I wouldn't want them to judge me. So I'm just stuck in this hole. And maybe.. eventually.. I'll dig my way out of it...

But most likely, I'll move for him.. and he'll dump me..
And then I'll have nothing.

Edit: And they aren't even really friends, ffs. They're just people that I talk to sometimes... Why do I bother?

The Trees Keep Growing by Azure Ray

I never expected you to love me
The way I loved you
I never expected you to love me
The way I loved you
To have you near was all I wanted
Just to have you near
It's funny how you can forget there's a world outside yourself
Where the trees keep growing and the cars keep moving
Without you there
And it's funny how you can forget there's a world outside yourself
Where the one who loves you keeps on living
Without you there
I never expected you to love me
The way I loved you

Bad feelings.

"Everyday there's something wrong. Just one trivial thing that can make me unhappy for just a moment. It's like it's not even possible to have a day without one bad feeling."

What I really don't understand.

Everyone has friends. Most people have good friends. I really only have acquaintances. And well, him. But he has friends. And he has good friends. And I think I'm more of an acquaintance with him too. Because well, most of the time, we don't talk a whole lot. Or when we do, it's generally small talk. Now, I'm not picky, I will take small talk with him any day, but sometimes more is better.

Now that I've gotten off on a tangent, I'll get back to what I was saying...
I don't have good friends. I know this because the only two friends I really had at school have become best friends, and I am not invited to anything that they do. One time I was invited, and I made up an excuse because I would feel extremely awkward going, so I didn't. So, now they're just.. friends, of the lowest sort. The people you talk to during school.

I also don't have friends. I know this because of the things I mentioned previously, along with some others. This game that I play, if I quit, only he would really care. And even at that, I don't believe he would. He doesn't need me on there, and he never has. He would tell me he would quit if I wasn't going to play. And he would be lying. He would continue playing because my playing doesn't affect his game playing at all. And to be honest, this rather upsets me.

So, in general, I don't understand why I don't have friends. I don't have a bad personality. I'm not a liar, a cheater, I don't like drama, and I'm a very accepting person. I'm a good listener. I only talk about my problems if people ask. I don't burden others with that which they don't care about.

I guess really, I just wish someone would care. Because the only way to get through depression is to have more ways to cope with problems than you have problems. And, at this stage in life, the only way I have to cope is to ignore. And ignoring only lasts so long before the problems come out on an emotional rampage and destroy your self-esteem.

This is the sound of tragedy.

Footsteps.
Sound of a drawer being opened.
Rustling.
Click of a gun.
Gunshot.
Loud thump.
Silence.