I want to feel normal.

I just feel really empty lately.
I want to go lay in the woods and sleep.
I want to run away.
I want to grow my hair our.
I want to get tired of my hair and shave it off.
I want to try drugs.
I want to get so drunk I do not remember anything.
I want to join a cult.
I want to remember bad things that I have done and cry.
I want to be alone.
I want friends.
I want him.

Unfortunately for me, I cannot have any of the things that I want.
I am afraid of bugs.
I do not have anywhere to go.
I hate when my hair is long.
It is nearly winter, my head would be cold.
I know I would get addicted.
I do not want to drink alone.
I do not know any cults, nor do I like them.
I have not done anything bad.
I do not want to be alone.
I cannot have any because I am not social.
I cannot have him. I have to wait.

It does not help that everything is so disappointing lately.