What I really don't understand.

Everyone has friends. Most people have good friends. I really only have acquaintances. And well, him. But he has friends. And he has good friends. And I think I'm more of an acquaintance with him too. Because well, most of the time, we don't talk a whole lot. Or when we do, it's generally small talk. Now, I'm not picky, I will take small talk with him any day, but sometimes more is better.

Now that I've gotten off on a tangent, I'll get back to what I was saying...
I don't have good friends. I know this because the only two friends I really had at school have become best friends, and I am not invited to anything that they do. One time I was invited, and I made up an excuse because I would feel extremely awkward going, so I didn't. So, now they're just.. friends, of the lowest sort. The people you talk to during school.

I also don't have friends. I know this because of the things I mentioned previously, along with some others. This game that I play, if I quit, only he would really care. And even at that, I don't believe he would. He doesn't need me on there, and he never has. He would tell me he would quit if I wasn't going to play. And he would be lying. He would continue playing because my playing doesn't affect his game playing at all. And to be honest, this rather upsets me.

So, in general, I don't understand why I don't have friends. I don't have a bad personality. I'm not a liar, a cheater, I don't like drama, and I'm a very accepting person. I'm a good listener. I only talk about my problems if people ask. I don't burden others with that which they don't care about.

I guess really, I just wish someone would care. Because the only way to get through depression is to have more ways to cope with problems than you have problems. And, at this stage in life, the only way I have to cope is to ignore. And ignoring only lasts so long before the problems come out on an emotional rampage and destroy your self-esteem.